~ 7/17/2005 01:12:00 AM ~
Sunday, July 17, 2005
[1st and last judo team competition...?]
8 july 2005
1st and last judo team competition...?
today was girl's team judo com!
The line up was like this for the 1st match with nanyang jc:
light weight - nicole
middle weight - pei shan and shuting
heavy weight - dawn
open - fujing
reserves - me and ami
actually those 5 were fixed players... since on wed.. we had shiai to determine who would be in team and who would get to play... nicole, shuting, dawn and fujing were confirm in team.. and surprisingly me too.... den peishan, joanne and ami had to fite it out for a place in team.. ami and peishan got in...
as it was pre-arranged that nicole would fite in light weight, dawn and fujing open and heavy.. me, peishan and shuting had to fite also to see who would be playing... all this time.. 6 months in judo.. i had joined it in hope to gain sth from it... but unfortunately... i lost to peishan and shuting..
i was happy for them.. but deep inside..a bit sad.. for not being able to prove myself worthy.. for not being able to be both mentally and physically stronger...
anw b4 our bout with nyjc... vj players were rather nervous and scared... but we conforted and gave each other loads of encouragement... =)
the time came.. and the 5 main players entered the dojo.. ami and me and the guys stood outside and cheered hard...
nicole lost... den peishan lost.. i was so scared... had to win 3 out of 5.. next was shuting.. i tot there was still hope.. cuz shuting is all about winning.. wanting us to fite hard and not give up.. and keeps telling us to fite hard fite hard...( till quite irritating la.. but nvm.. ) ya and when i compare dawn and fujing to their opponents.. they were like how many times bigger la.. so i still saw some hope shinning in... however.. we lost... 0-5...
fj had hurt her other knee during her match.. and caused her pain and in turn her lost without much of a fite...
they came out of the dojo... i went over.. fj hugged dawn.. and they were crying.. i hugged them too.. and seeing tears rushing down my friends' eyes.. the sadness that i controlled in me took over.. and i cried too... ( we actually aimed to beat nyjc.. shuting and nicole had said they were the lousiest? so the lost was taken grievely...)
"my knee is gone!! my knee is gone!!" fj cried...i realised there was sth wrong.. she wasnt juz crying becuz of her lost.. it was her knee.. her cries seemed desperate and afraid.. probably the kind whereby u already have an injured knee.. and now the other is injured.. u feel like u've reached the point of end...
we helped her to a chair.. wrapped her knee and calmed her down.. paramedics came.. she felt beta already.. so she decided to stay on.. but they wouldnt allow her to fite anymore.. so sensei subed me in......
though delighted i was chosen.. but very not prepared.. cuz it was an unexpected twist of events.. and i had already succumb to the fact tt i would not be playing... ... ...
shuting had injured her arm too... and she kept on spraying it..
anw....inbetween the match against nyjc and the next.. there were hours of waiting.. i was very nervous.. stomach hurt.. had to go toilet a few times b4 i could finally clear my stomach.. i jumped and jumped.. stretched and stretched.. partly anticipating the next match.. partly not...
as i did not play individuals.. and the 1st match.. this coming match would be considered my 1st match infront of so many ppl.. in a recognised and important competition.. a team event...
i thought of alot of things ... .. wad if i lose? i'll malu myself? wad will others think? will i get ipponed? will i let the team down? will i be this, will i be that? wad if i cant do this, cant do that?
i expressed myself to some of the girls telling them i was scared.. fj and ami had both been my supporters.. encouraging me all the way...
after the other bouts had been played.. we had to face RJC next... we warmed up on the stage again.. den we went down to prepare ourselves..
while waiting for our turn, we practiced some techniques... i practiced doing morote.. asked peishan to resist.. and couldnt turn in anymore...
did the same to nicole.. and also couldnt turn in... den i was like.. how how how?? cuz during the real fite opponent sure resist!? den wad i do?!!? wad i do?!?!
"lynne dun think so much already... juz go in and fite like the usual stuff.." .. well i tot to myself.. "i usually dun win... if i play the same...the outcome's gonna be the same??"
practiced somemore on peishan again.. tried bending much much lower this time...ok.. stupid me.. i lost my balance not only once but at least 3 times la and landed on my butt...malu.. (ok like i CARE!!! *bleah* )
den i was how..?? i keep losing balance and falling backwards...
lian po came up and gave me some advice... instead of going in... step one leg in when the opponent takes a step front.. den can turn in more easily... how nice of him!! i was surprised..
there was still more waiting till our match.. actually not a lot more.. but it seemed long enough for me... i started jumping jumping again.. den from behind shafeeq 'scolded', "eh lynne! dun be scared la!" .. i turned round.. and "orh"... mumbling to myself " ya like so easy huh".. hahahz..
we did a final "VJ JUDO WHOOSH WHOOSH WHOOOSHH!" cheer and den it was our turn already....
Line up against RJC:
light - nicole
middle - peishan and shuting
heavy - dawn
open - me!!
tt was the way we walked in to the bout as well..
*nErVouS!!!*
both teams walked forward, bow, and den backed up...
nicole started 1st....( she's our best player.. i was counting alot on her..) but.. lost..
peishan next... (hopeful...) but..lost...
shuting.. lost also.. with an injured arm.. tt she had to be brought out for some medical attention
haiz.. okay.. there we go again.. lost.. all is lost.. there was not way to get anything already.. but maybe juz tt little bit of pride we'd left with... i shook dawn's hand.. conveying the msg to juz do all out and do ur best since win or lose.. makes no diff to our position anymore...
well.. she lost too..
=(
but the opponents were of high belt ranking..
green green green brown... vs us
green yellow yellow white..
my opponent was a yellow.. and me a white.. but tt was enough for me to be worried and all...
my turn came... i tot of wad i was gonna do now that i couldnt help the team to move on... probably juz to give it my all... and juz fite the very best i can.. i tot of badminton.. how can i apply confidence.. agreesiveness into judo? i dunno.. in badminton.. i can "soh!" when i score a point.. in judo? i dun even noe when a point is scored!?!!
no more time to think.. i found myself walking up to the dojo.. bowing.. and entering.. realising tt all eyes was on us.. but too occupied in the mind to notice.. bowed to opponent... and when the referee gave the command to start, i SCREAMED!!!!
"SSssSAaaaAahh...!!!" tt call juz came out from my mouth.. and it felt gd! i nv knew how i could shout anytime during matches.. but for this i somehow managed too.. once in the dojo.. i knew there was no more turning back.. i was prepared to scream and shout if need be.. especially if she pinned me down.. i was prepared to struggle like nv b4.. to kick my legs in the air.. to bridge.. to shout...to twist and turn as if it was my life at stake....( which i would consider really for life since it'll really be hard to breathe.. and if u couldnt get out.. u'd juz suffocate to death there... i dun wan tt to happen to me..)
i grabbed my opponent.. and we started tugging each other.. morote came into mind.. but i saw no chance of doing.. i tried oshoto.. again and again... i manage to get into the position.. but she was resisting hard... i couldnt care anymore.. since winning or losing did not matter.. i juz carried on pushing her with all my mite.. in hope she would fall...since i always hear ppl say complete the throw! at tt point.. it was 'juz keep on pushing' instead of 'get back to balace' since there wasnt any point doing tt... and BaMb! she fell !!! !!!
oMG!! it actually workED!!! got into groundwork which din work out and we got back into sparring.. "SahaaaaH!!!!!!" i shouted again... and tugged we did once more... oshoto was the only thing tt my body could react to do.. and so oshoto i did... and history repeats itself!! it really did! everything seemed the same to me.. same happenings.. same flashbacks.. same thoughts.. same reactions... and haha! i got another point from tt! groundwork failed and start from sparring again..
ha.. ya i screamed at the start of it yet again.. and my opponent screamed bacK!! louder than me i think.. ahhaz.. which i found shocking, funny and amusing at the same time... dunno y.. probably cuz of the experience nicole had told me about.. about her shouting also cuz her opponent shouted.. hahaz..
so we fought fought fought.. by den i was tired already.. afraid to get shido.. i faked attacks.. becuz if within 5 secs u dun attack.. opponent will get point.. so i juz kept kicking aimlessly.. without much intension of really throwing since there was not much chance and i had not much energy to waste on trying real throws all the time... of cuz.. the only thing i eva executed was oshoto.. but this time due to lack of stamina and concentration, i felt myself falling backwards.. and BAmB!.. my turn to fall this time.. luckily manage to face down abit.. so it wasnt a ippon.. my opponent did groundwork... i felt myself turning over.. somehow my legs managed to find some space to clutch one of her legs... i concentrated on grabbing that leg real hard.. cant let her escape if not i'd be dead... seeing tt we were going no where.. the referee called "mahde".. i saw his hand raised.. so i released my grip... but my opponent pinned me down further!! i was worried tt i saw wrongly... and looked at the referee again.. and he called stop a 2nd time.. but my opponent apparently din hear.. so i was like.. signalling to the referee to stop her cuz i was being crushed already... so eventually she din get any holding done and we got up...
standing in position to fite again.. the referee asked me to tuck my gi in... a gd timing indeed..as i rearranged my gi and tied my belt, i was desperately trying to catch my breath...the pause was certainly much needed as i was dying already.. though it was for only seconds b4 we had to start fiting again.. i was out of breath still... i stepped forward still breathing heavily...
i heard sensei shouting out 1min blahblahblah seconds left !! i took a quick glance at the score board.. i noe wad he means.. he means i had tt amt of time b4 i won.. but 1min + was still alot ... i had to hang on and not be thrown for tt amt of time! i cleared my exhausted and blurry mind.. decided to take a deep breath and shout again... "sSsAaahh!!!" it gave me a force to carry on... i wasnt gonna give up!! i could hear the ppl from outside shouting to me.... encouraging me.. cheering me on...
tired as i was.. im sure my opponent was too.. though she din really show it cuz she still could stand so straight while i was already bending down.... everything else tt happened after tt was a blur.. all i could remember was the fake fiting again.. and den happend to go to groundwork.. where i faked groundworking as well.. ahahz.. i knew i had the strenght and energy no more to go about to turn her over.. so i juz pulled and push which eva way the situation required.. trying
my best out of my no more strenghtness to get into holding.. and when my opponent tried to do groundwork on me as i held on to her arm for dear life! no way was i gonna let her turn me over!! i din really try to do much here except to hold on to her... no counter no escaping.. juz defend as long as she tried to turn me...as to no avail.. the referree "mahde" us again and start sparring again... this time heard sensei shout how many how many secs left.. i glanced at the timer.. prob 30+ 40+ secs... still so long?? i wondered if i could hold on...
the fite this time was totally removed from my memory.. my mind has recollections of wad happened... too drained already... or i probably jumbled up the points of wad happened... anw time was up and i won!! though i realised it only later den the referee came to stop wadeva we were doing... and i heard some cheering.. YES! i've done it! the longest 3 mins of my life... but i pulled through! though tired like anything... i was elated!
bowed to my opponent.. den a grp bow.. and left the dojo...
once out.. i bended down to catch my breath... fj was beside me.. said she was proud of me.. =) .. as i walked back.. felt a pat on the head.. "nice one".. another on the shoulder, "well done" .... i managed a smile...
at the moment.. i felt ..... overjoyed?... loved?... recognised?... i dunno how to describe it.. but it was a kind of recognision tt i've longed for.. though it only lasted for secs.. but the feeling was heart-warming and surprisingly calming too...
the vj team gathered on the stairs of the stage where sensei talked to us... he claimed that it was the worst match he've eva seen us play.. both guys and girls.. except probably for shafeeq and me ( but to me, most of them fought really hard.. though defeated..but if they have tried their best..its a consolation already..) anw i gotta admit tt shaf played real hard and well yesterday... and won..
he went on to explain it's was not becuz my opponent was yellow belt tt's y i won..( since the others played with higher ranking belters ).. but becuz of our fighting spirits.. i'm glad he said it that way (actually i also think i won cuz she's probably a fake yellow belter or sth..)
i certainly felt joy and acknowledgment when he said that.. but it also dawned on me that we lost and there wasnt much to be happy about anymore..
well.. we reap wad we soe.. sensei and kenneth says that the outcome was wad we deserve.. since the effort we put in is not comparable to other schs.. yea.. tt i have to agree too... but as long as we put in our best efforts.. i dun think we will have any regrets... so yea.. there's next yr rite? if we train hard we can join the competition.. and now im still fickle about whether im gonna drop to social, quit judo.. or carry on now...
